Hi Merete
I would not be cross but that is me
I have seen people with what I think is RA I never say any-thing to them the thing is you just do not know what there reaction would be so I think you did the right thing
hope that helps you
take care
Mary L

Dear Merete,

In my humble opinion I would be very happy for someone to ask me if I had RA? I am far less happy when someone says 'Why do you limp?'...

I suppose one has to be tentative as they may be incorrect but then, asked kindly and gently, it shouldn't really annoy/upset anyone too greatly.

Love,

Amanda

I wouldn't mind at all if anyone asked me, but I never dare ask anyone at the rheumy clinic.
I can strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere , but at the clinic I somehow feel I would be invading their privacy if I asked if they have RA.
I don't know why,perhaps it's just me!

Doreen xx

Hi, this happened to me a couple of weeks ago i was in Argos and the woman on the till asked me did i have Ra , she must of seen my hands, she told me her father had it and said its a horrible illness and was sorry for me as she said i was only young to have it, i told her id had it 14years, i didn't mind her asking at all. my younger sister was at a party and on her table she noticed a girl with Ra looking hands she said she was dying to go over and talk to her and tell her about me and that she understood about RA but when she asked her fiance he said don't in case she takes offence ,so i can see both sides. I always chat to people in clinic as its interesting to hear others stories and it makes the waiting time go quicker x

I wouldnt mind at all. But I can understand that some people might be offended. I dont talk to people in the clinic either, everyone always looks fed up, and its always a long wait (1 1/2 hours) that you feel uncomfortable to talk to them.
As for GPs I am sure thats right, they dont know much, mine refused to even do a rheumatoid factor test for 7 months, insisting thsat I only had OA. That was with seeing 3 different GPs during 9 visits in 5 months.
Does anyone know why they are so averse to doing a simple blood test? My mother had RA, so surely its worth a simple test!!!

Hi,

Thank`s for all your replies. I can see, most of you would`nt mind, if the person asking showed genuine concern. As for talking to other patients in the rheumy clinic, I usually find it quite easy to strike up a conversation. Not only does it make the time of waiting easier, but I have even made 2 friends, who I now see regularly.

What happened to Kathleen happened to me last week. I had my hair done, and my usual girl appeared rather fat round the midriff. I asked, if she was expecting, and she replied: `No, I have put on a stone!!!` Gosh, how I felt embarassed. I wont say that to anybody again, ever!!!!

Merete

Quote: "I was staggered to learn that each GP clinic only has maybe one known patient with RA and this is why they need to give urgent training to GP's so that they can recognise the symptoms."
Like Jackie, I was very surprised about this and I wouldnt take offense if someone approached me about RA although mine not too visible nowadays with medication. One of my worst places is always at the queue in a shop especially if i use change, need to open plastic bags etc. Nowadays, i tend to use my card more often but when i first had RA i found this really difficult also because some people seem to just think u r clumsy / time wasting - everyone is often in such a hurry so if someone approached me i would have been glad. When i first had symptoms over 12 years ago i think i was probably depressed - my mum had just died in tragic circumstances and major flare started few days later, i had two very young children and felt no one understood what i was going through and felt really alone. So i think say something kindly, definitely say something, u might be the only person that has really understood their situation.
Nowadays i manage quite well but i make a definite point of talking to shop assistants, explaining RA symptoms a little and hope this might help them be more sympathetic when they do have customers with problems like RA.
Very good topic Merete, and yes i'm guilty of the the baby comment once too and just like Mark, never again! ;)

I don't mind strangers asking me whether I have RA. Only the other day an eldery man approached me in Tesco's and asked had I had a hip replacement (I was on crutches). We had a chat about it and it turned out his elderly wife needed one but she was put off because she thought she would be forced to do the Clexane injections (in stomach) herself. I told him they don't make you do it, you can ask your DN.

There's a guy at my son's kayaking club who approached me 2-3 years ago and very politely asked did I have RA, he'd noticed my hands. It turned out his wife has it and from that we sparked up a conversation and now every time I go to watch, he'll come over, ask how I am and tell me about his wife. He's very knowledgeable about the disease and drugs etc.

I think if you ask politely, most people wouldn't mind. Say something like, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but do you have RA, I noticed your hands?" If they object, then all you can do is apologise.

I wouldn`t mind is anyone asked me if I had RA, but would probably hesitate to bring the subject up with someone in a shopping queue - Bob`s idea is a good one. Once when we were out I noticed a lady with a Fischer stick like mine, and wished afterwards I`d spoken to her.

I was once in a pub a few years ago, and someone obviously noticed the scars on my legs from Achilles tendon surgery. She asked if I`d had them both repaired, and when I said yes, she told me that she had too, but that my surgeon had done a better job as my scars were much neater than hers!

Kathleen x